This is a question we hear a lot, especially in high-conflict divorces and post-divorce disputes: “Can I record my ex to prove they’re lying?” People usually ask this after a heated phone call, a tense exchange about the kids, or a moment where they feel certain the other person just contradicted themselves. From a New Hampshire law perspective, the answer is very specific—and getting it wrong can seriously backfire.
We are New Hampshire attorneys, and we want to be very clear about this because recording someone improperly can expose you to criminal charges and harm your case rather than help it.
New Hampshire Is a Two-Party Consent State
New Hampshire is a two-party consent state when it comes to recording covered conversations. That means you generally cannot record a conversation unless everyone involved in the conversation knows about it and consents. This applies to phone calls and to in-person conversations where there’s a reasonable expectation of privacy.
So if you secretly record your ex-spouse during a phone call or in a private conversation, that recording is likely illegal under New Hampshire law. The fact that you believe they are lying, being manipulative, or saying something unfair does not change that analysis.
People are often surprised by this, especially if they’ve heard that some states allow one-party consent. That’s true elsewhere, but not here. In New Hampshire, secret recordings can violate the wiretapping statute and may be charged as a felony in certain situations. Even if criminal charges are never filed, the recording may still create serious problems in your family case.
It Can Create Civil Liability Too (Not Just Criminal Risk)
Another point people don’t realize: illegal recording can also create civil exposure. In other words, even if the state never brings charges, the person recorded may be able to sue for money damages and attorneys’ fees. That can turn a “gotcha” recording into an expensive side dispute.
Recording Around Children Is a High-Risk Move
Another common misconception is that recording is allowed if the conversation involves your own children. That is a dangerous assumption. Recording calls between your child and the other parent, or recording conversations where your child is present, can raise serious legal and ethical issues. Courts are particularly sensitive to anything that appears to involve children in adult conflict or litigation strategy.
“But It Happened in Public…” Depends on Privacy Expectations
People also ask whether it’s okay to record in public. Public settings can change the analysis, but they don’t automatically make recording legal. The key question is whether there was a reasonable expectation of privacy. A loud argument in a crowded parking lot may be treated differently than a quiet conversation at a restaurant table. But relying on that distinction without legal advice is risky. These cases are very fact-specific.
When Recording May Be Lawful: Consent (Do It the Safe Way)
Now let’s talk about consent, because this is where some recordings can be lawful. If you clearly tell the other person that you are recording the conversation and they continue speaking, that may constitute consent. For example, starting a call by saying, “I’m recording this call,” and allowing the other person the opportunity to hang up or object can change the legal landscape.
That said, the safest practice is to get express consent on the record—something like: “Do you consent to being recorded?” and a clear “yes” before you continue.
Even Lawful Recordings Can Still Backfire in Family Court
How a recording is used in court is a separate issue. Judges have discretion when it comes to evidence, especially in family law matters. Even a lawful recording may be excluded or given little weight if the court believes it was obtained or used in a way that escalates conflict or harms the children. Family court judges are less interested in “gotcha” moments and more focused on patterns of behavior, credibility, and what arrangement serves the best interests of the child.
Better Ways to Prove Dishonesty
This brings us to another important point: proving someone is lying in court is rarely as simple as playing a recording. Courts rely heavily on documents, timelines, consistency, and third-party evidence. Text messages, emails, financial records, school communications, medical records, and witness testimony often carry far more weight than a single recorded conversation.
In fact, attempting to secretly record an ex can sometimes make you look reactive or untrustworthy, even if your underlying concern is valid. We’ve seen cases where a party believed a recording would “win” the case, only to find that it created a new problem they then had to explain to the court.
A Safer Approach: Strategic Documentation
If you believe your ex or spouse is lying, the better approach is usually strategic documentation rather than secret recording. Save messages. Keep a written log of incidents with dates and details. Preserve emails and texts in their original form. Follow court orders carefully. Communicate in writing when possible. These steps create a record that can be presented cleanly and lawfully.
There are also situations where a court-approved monitoring or documentation tool may be appropriate, such as structured exchange arrangements or communications conducted through parenting apps. Those tools are designed to reduce conflict and create accountability without crossing legal lines.
Bottom Line
The bottom line is this: secretly recording your ex or spouse in New Hampshire is usually illegal and often harmful to your case. Even when recording might be technically lawful, it’s rarely the best or safest way to prove dishonesty.
If you’re feeling stuck because you believe the other party is misrepresenting facts, twisting conversations, or saying one thing privately and another in court, that’s exactly when you should talk to a New Hampshire family law attorney.. A good attorney can help you build a record the right way, avoid legal landmines, and present your concerns in a way the court will actually take seriously.
Trying to outsmart the system with a recording can cost you far more than it gains. Knowing the rules, and working within them, is almost always the stronger move.